


Tongue Tied

by rightonthelimit



Category: Glee
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s03e20, Fluff, Headcanon, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-09
Updated: 2012-08-09
Packaged: 2017-11-11 18:53:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/481752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rightonthelimit/pseuds/rightonthelimit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s just one look they shared, and Blaine instantly knew what it meant before he even had to open up his mouth and ask. Kurt didn't get in NYADA.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tongue Tied

**A/N: Please do not repost, recreate or translate.**

**Tongue Tied**

It’s just one look they shared, and Blaine instantly knew what it meant before he even had to open up his mouth and ask.

Blaine’s fingers grew slack around the small box in his hands which fell to the ground with a soft  _thunk_ , entirely forgotten the moment it slipped from Blaine’s weak grasp. It was supposed to be a celebratory gift, a proposal.

In the box was the ring he hadn’t been capable of affording last Christmas, the ring Blaine had been saving money for by keeping from spending his allowance money whenever he could. It was the ring Blaine got into ridiculous bets with Puck and Cooper for it was the ring he did embarrassing performances for, for his neighbors. The ring that was sturdier, prettier than the ring Blaine had made out of bubblegum wrappers for Kurt even though they had been of Kurt’s favorite flavor and Kurt had ensured Blaine that he loved it.

In the box was an engagement ring.

The ring had meant to go along with Kurt to New York. To remind Kurt of Blaine and how Blaine would always work hard for him and get him everything he needed because Kurt deserved the world.

But the world apparently just wouldn’t give Kurt a break.

Just one. That's been what they both had been hoping for. To have a personal victory, just once, just something they could be proud of – winning Nationals had been amazing, but they hadn’t been able to take full credit for that.

Kurt was fully capable of taking credit for his amazing performance that had left Blaine hot and achy but most of all  _proud,_ that amazing performance that had Blaine twitching in his seat with the suppressed need to just jump up and clap his hands as hard as he could and yell ‘ _That’s right! That’s my beautiful, talented boyfriend!’_.

The look they shared was filled with confusion, with  _why’s?_ , with heart ache.

Finn and Rachel left the room. Finn’s hand brushed over his shoulder but Blaine couldn’t feel it, the door falling shut behind them with a click as loud as a gunshot.

He just couldn’t understand and he felt so numb. Kurt looked like someone close to him just  _died_ , and Blaine supposed it did – his dreams, his plans, his future. His ticket out of Lima.

Kurt’s eyes just kept staring at him. Almost pleading Blaine for help Blaine couldn’t offer, not this time. The silence was deafening and Blaine opened and closed his mouth. He didn’t know what to say to this.

He hadn’t seen this coming at all.

Kurt finally tore his eyes off his and sunk down on the piano bench. Blaine had never seen Kurt this defeated before – not even when his bullies still harassed him. There had always been that  _spark_ in Kurt, but it was gone now.

Killed.

Blaine’s knees seemed to be locked but he forced himself to walk anyway, sitting down on the bench next to Kurt. He didn’t touch him, not yet, almost too afraid to do so. It was like if he would even lay one finger on Kurt, he’d shatter into pieces.

Inwardly he probably already had.

Kurt’s fingers idly started playing some tune, absentmindedly tracing the keys. Blaine wanted to ask something,  _do_  something, but he couldn’t. He felt helpless and he couldn’t imagine what Kurt was going through.

You could imagine Blaine’s shock when Kurt smiled wryly. It was humorless, the corners of his mouth – that mouth that Blaine had spent so much time kissing until they were both bruised and blushing and panting for air like the stupid teenagers they were – upturned but his eyes brimming with tears. The sight terrified Blaine.

‘I actually thought I had a shot,’ Kurt murmured softly, barely audible. His words were light as was his voice but to Blaine it was almost painful to hear. Blaine stared at him. ‘I actually…’ Kurt laughed, but it was bitter and cold. ‘Like it was my golden ticket. Like I could actually get out of here. Why was I so stupid, Blaine?’

Blaine did not reply and averted his eyes to Kurt’s fingers again, his ears straining to listen to the sound of his boyfriend’s breathing instead of the melancholy tune he was playing. His fists tightened in his lap and Blaine felt so helpless, so angry. So  _sad_.

The thought that Kurt would be able to stay here with him longer didn’t even make him happy because this wasn’t the way it was supposed to be. Blaine had prepared himself for Skype sessions, for long phone calls, for letters. He had secretly bought a huge stash of envelopes in the full knowledge that Kurt liked romance and that whereas Blaine sucked at it, he should at least try it.   
  
No, Kurt staying didn't bring Blaine happiness at all.

He’d rather have Kurt happy but a thousand miles away in the knowledge that Blaine would join him there soon than depressed but so close to him because Kurt was trapped here. Because that was what this meant, wasn’t it? Kurt would be here for one more year. In a place he so desperately wanted to leave.

‘Rachel got in. Of course she did. Why is it that every time I  _want_ something, someone always takes it…?’ Kurt cut himself off, as though those words were forbidden, as though he wasn’t allowed to say such things. Blaine thought he had every right.

Sebastian had been the one to try to steal Blaine from Kurt. Brittany and Rachel had both tried, the first succeeding, at stealing the title of class president even though they didn’t need the extra credit because Brittany was already failing and Rachel had joined way too many clubs. Blaine had taken the role of Tony, or so Blaine felt like he did even though Kurt had assured him that he didn’t mind. And now this…

‘I don’t know,’ Blaine whispered because he honestly didn’t. He didn’t know why it was like the only people who  _really_ wanted Kurt to succeed were Burt and himself and it killed him to see Kurt like this.

‘Was I not good enough? Do you think that if I would’ve performed Music of the Night, I would’ve -’

‘No, you’re amazing,’ Blaine instantly said. Kurt’s fingers paused and the music instantly stopped. Blaine didn’t realize how quiet the both of them really were until the sound of the music died down completely.

Kurt’s hands were shaking.

Blaine didn’t want to look at his face just yet because he was sure the expression on it would break his heart into a million pieces.

Finally, Kurt started playing again. Another bitter, watery laugh.

‘I’m obviously not. Rachel is. Rachel can sing better, she’s the straight girl everyone likes, she’s -’

‘She’s not  _you_ ,’ Blaine argued softly, ‘yes she is more mainstream, but Kurt, you’re amazing. You can sing and dance and act and you even started writing your own scripts after they didn’t let you play Tony, you -’

‘You’re supposed to say those things, Blaine! You’re my boyfriend!’ Kurt snapped at him and he abruptly slammed his hands down on the piano and got up. Blaine’s eyes widened briefly at his outburst, watching as Kurt got up from where he had been seated and how he just distanced himself. Blaine worried his bottom lip in between his teeth.

That hurt. To think that Kurt thinks that Blaine was lying to make him feel good…

Kurt sniffled and then the tears were finally falling, finally pouring over his cheeks the way Kurt had so desperately been trying to avoid and something inside Blaine just broke. He got up, wrapping his arms around Kurt, holding him so tight he thought he may heard some bones protest. He didn’t care.

‘Kurt…’ he murmured, his own voice thick. He  _hated_ this. Hated seeing Kurt cry and  _knowing_ he had a valid reason to do so.

All Kurt’s plans, the way he had been looking forward to New York… Down the drain. He didn’t have a backup plan because come on, why would anyone as talented, as amazing as Kurt would have to worry about getting rejected?

Kurt choked out a little sob and finally wrapped his arms around Blaine as well, clinging onto him.

Well, this was why.

‘Kurt I swear I -’

‘Don’t speak, please, I just want you to  _hold_ me,’ Kurt said, his voice muffled and thick. Tearful.

Blaine felt like crying himself.

He silently nodded, knowing what Kurt needed. He’d give it to him completely as soon as they’d get home, gladly, knowing that Kurt just wanted what no one else could give him; a loving embrace.

Everyone could offer Kurt words of comfort. But no one could hold him the way Blaine did.

When Kurt’s knees gave out Blaine just slid to the floor along with him, their knees pressed firmly against one another and their arms still locked around each other’s bodies. When Kurt sobbed again, Blaine just pulled away and pressed a lingering kiss against Kurt’s forehead, Kurt’s coiffed hair tickling his nose. He wore it in a slightly different fashion today – he had seen a model wear his hair similar to this in the latest issue of Vogue.

‘I like your hair today,’ Blaine murmured in an attempt to cheer him up, because whereas he had been staring at it and had been dying to touch it and had indeed loved it, he hadn’t told Kurt this just yet. Kurt’s words of  _he makes me feel good_ were in the back of Blaine’s mind and he closed his eyes bitterly, trying not to think of Chandler or secret text messages or their fight.

Kurt chuckled but it was watery, a bit closed off. Blaine smiled softly to himself and started thumbing Kurt’s tears away, mindful to keep from touching Kurt’s hair even if he so desperately wanted to run his fingers through it. It was always so soft.

Kurt stared at him as though he was the most amazing thing in the world and he sniffled, pressing his cheek more into Blaine’s hand. Blaine realized that he really did want to grow old with Kurt – even if he looked so lost right now… He’d get back up on his feet. He always did.

‘I love you,’ Blaine said in earnest, his thumb brushing over the corner of Kurt’s mouth. ‘And you’re going to make it. Never lose hope – if stalking Carmen was what got Rachel into NYADA after a failed audition then you can do it too, especially after an audition that you just nailed. Again and again, right until they will accept you. If they’re too blind to see then you just have to find other ways to get to them.’

Kurt’s lips moved but he didn’t say a word, his eyes lowering again. Blaine closed his own eyes and pressed his forehead against Kurt’s, his hand at the nape of Kurt’s neck.

‘I honestly love you so much it physically hurts to see you like this,’ Blaine admitted, feeling cheesy to admit it but he knew it was true. ‘Kurt… I  _promised_ you that I would always be there for you. You know that if I thought that you weren’t good enough I’d much rather spend my time practicing and getting you ready than feeding you compliments you didn’t deserve.’

Kurt sighed, sniffling. His hand brushed over Blaine’s cheek and Blaine was amazed at how those little touches still sent shivers down his spine.

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… To offend you.’

‘It’s okay. You’re entitled to react this way, I should’ve been more thoughtful. It’s  _fine_.’ Blaine forced himself to smile as if to prove his point and then turned his head and pressed a kiss against Kurt’s knuckles. ‘I love you,’ he added, as though that should make any difference. Kurt smiled.

‘Now you’re making me feel bad for snapping at you. You look like a kicked puppy.’ Blaine ducked his head, biting his lip. He guessed that he sucked at cheering someone up too. ‘Don’t even think about apologizing, Blaine.’

‘But I-’

Kurt pressed a finger against Blaine’s lips, pressing a kiss against his forehead. He closed his eyes and his face didn’t show any recognition of the tears rolling silently over his cheeks again, and Kurt sighed when Blaine thumbed them away and pressed a kiss of his own against the corner of Kurt’s mouth.

‘I love you, please don’t cry anymore?’ Blaine whispered, his own cheeks feeling wet from Kurt’s tears as well. He didn’t mind. Blaine glanced at the little jewelry box lying on the floor just a few steps away from them, deciding to just pick it up and shove it into his pocket when they’d leave.

Now wasn’t the time.

Kurt released a watery laugh.

‘If only I had reason not to,’ Kurt admitted. ‘But I guess it’s a good thing too. That I get to spend more time with you, I don’t have to say goodbye to my dad…’ Kurt was struggling, Blaine knew. He just didn’t know what he should do to ease things for him. ‘…I guess it just has to hurt. Things never were easy for me, after all.’

‘But you’re a fighter,’ Blaine supplied, ‘and you always get what you want when you fight for it.’

Kurt licked his lips and released a long sigh, pressing their foreheads together once more. Blaine stared at Kurt’s eyelids, knowing he could count Kurt’s eyelashes from up this close. They stuck together, damp with Kurt’s tears. Blaine wished he’d never have to see Kurt cry again and his heart ached in his chest at the knowledge that that just woudn't be possible.

‘What would I do without you, Blaine?’ Kurt asked wistfully, softly and Blaine blinked at him in mild confusion.

‘You’d manage,’ Blaine said in all certainty. Kurt was strong and Blaine had full trust in him. He knew Kurt was meant for great things and Blaine just hoped he’d be allowed a part in it. He wanted to grow old with Kurt, maybe adopt a few kids, own their own house…

‘Hmm,’ Kurt hummed. He sounded distracted and he linked their fingers together, sighing. ‘It’s funny. 5 minutes ago I felt like I no longer had a future, but now I’m sitting here with you I’m only realizing more and more that I already had secured a happy future the moment we got together.’

A certain warmth spread through Blaine’s chest at that comment and his hand tightened on Kurt’s.

‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Blaine asked unsurely, studying Kurt’s face. He was taking this surprisingly well – Blaine had expected Kurt to remain depressed for a long time. He had worked to this all year after all.

‘Yes,’ Kurt answered and when he smiled it was genuine. Blaine’s heart skipped a beat and he couldn’t help but secretly think that Kurt looked more beautiful with each passing moment. ‘It still hurts. But not as much as it would’ve hurt to say goodbye to you on that train station, if I would’ve gotten accepted.’

Blaine briefly thought of Kurt’s earlier words, of him wanting to grow old with Blaine in a nursing home, of Blaine being Kurt’s first true love, of all the promises they made each other that one November night where they gave each other everything they had to offer. This boy… He still made Blaine’s heart skip a beat whenever he looked at him and Blaine wanted to make all those promises true.

He abruptly got up and held his hands out to Kurt to take. The position reminded him of prom, of the first time he had held Kurt’s hand even when he had known he was a spy, of walking with their hands linked shyly in the hallways of McKinley when the building was empty.

So much had happened.

‘Get up,’ he simply said. He smiled and Kurt looked at him in mild amusement before he rubbed at his eyes one final time and got up, chuckling when Blaine took his hands and kissed his knuckles. ‘Let’s skip our last two classes and go to my house.’

Kurt blinked at him.

‘For what?’

Blaine shrugged. He tilted his head up to kiss Kurt, just because he could, because – oh God this was  _real_ – Kurt was his  _boyfriend_ and Blaine was allowed to.

Whenever he wanted. Whenever and wherever Kurt wanted to kiss him.

‘I want to take care of my boyfriend,’ Blaine murmured, his lips brushing over Kurt’s cheek adoringly. Boyfriend. Just saying the word…

Kurt didn’t seem to get what he was aiming at but he meekly nodded and went to grab his bag while Blaine quickly picked up the ring and shoved it into his pocket. They snuck out of the school building and found themselves in Blaine’s house later, baking cookies, their hands and faces covered in flour and cookie batter.

The ring felt heavy in Blaine’s pocket. But now wasn’t the good time. He wondered when it would be.

And when they waved Rachel goodbye, Blaine and Kurt shared a look that made the both of them smile because they knew that they would do everything together, from now on. It didn’t even hurt Kurt to see her step on that train because he knew he had something that no one would ever take from him.

And that was Blaine.


End file.
